15. Beep

Beep, beep.

The web was thick. Marcy thought it might have been the densest it had ever been. Still, light penetrated through. She supposed someday everything would go dark. What would happen to her then? Would she still exist? Could she integrate?

“Don’t think about that.” she said quietly. There was no one around to hear her, she could have screamed at the top of her lungs.

“What else is there to think about?” she asked herself.

She looked up at the patch of light. Was it brighter? It seemed that way, but it was probably her imagination.

“Stop looking.” she said, louder than before.

Click.

The light was far away. There was no way to reach it, and even if she did, there was no where to go. She looked up again. It wasn’t any brighter, it was just her imagination. She forced her eyes down, back to her dim reality. She could feel or see nothing beneath her.

Beep, beep, beep! Artificial sounds rang through the air. As soon as they came, they stopped, then all that she could hear was a vague humming, like an air conditioner running on low. Beep, boop.

“This is what you wanted” she told herself, not for the first time. It had seemed like a good idea. “It was a stupid idea.” She had conversations like this with herself quite often. Was it a sign of madness? Possibly. Did it matter? She doubted it.

She hadn’t always been here. She once lived in a world with things, people, animals, and plants. She had a job, a house, a car, even a husband. Now they were gone.

She looked up at the light. Beep. Marcy wondered if they knew her thoughts. That’s what she had wanted, that’s what they had planned. When she had first arrived, she had tried to make sense of the noises, the beep and clicks that boomed around her. She was sure there was a pattern there, an incoming message. Now she wasn’t so sure. Maybe it was just random. Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe no one was around anymore.

She wondered how long she had been there. It was hard to tell. There were no days or nights anymore. Time was irrelevant. Click.

She stared into the void in front of her.

Click, click, beep.

It was just random noise. Her team probably wasn’t there anymore. Maybe they had retired. Maybe they were dead. Maybe the mainframe was left running in an abandoned warehouse, like something out of a science fiction movie. Maybe the world had ended.

Beep, beep.

“This was your idea.” she reminded herself again.

“It was a stupid idea.” she replied. Madness was definitely setting in.

“People thought you were a brilliant scientist.” she declared. Maybe she was splitting into two. One side of her would stay here, and the other-

“Is crazy.” she whispered. The other part of her, the real part as some might call it was submerged in a tank of water. In that place she was wearing a bathing suit. Wires spilled from her skull and limbs. The wires monitored her body while Marcy’s consciousness was away, here in this digital world, inside the mainframe she and her team had built.

Blip, beep.

She could have sent in anyone. There had been volunteers. Many people had wanted to be the first, but in the end, Marcy knew it would always be her. It had been her life’s work, to meld mind and machine. And now she had done it, maybe.

“It’s only for a year.” her husband had told her on their last day together. “It will go quickly.”

“Don’t forget about me.” she had told him.

“Of course I won’t.” he replied.

Beep. “But you did.” she said aloud. She didn’t know that for sure. She thought she would have an awareness of the passage of time. She thought she would know more, see more than this black hole she was in.

Beep, beep, beep!

“He’ll get you out.” she told herself. He knew what to do. She had even left written instructions, just in case.

“He doesn’t love you anymore.”

Beep.

“Yes, he does.”

“Maybe he’s dead. Maybe they’re all dead.” Marcy looked up at the light. It was the same. No, it was different. It was darker. No, it was brighter.

“You don’t know anything.”

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep! Click, click, click! Suddenly the light above poured in, bright white, followed by red, blue, and green. Marcy knew what was happening. She was being integrated. Her brain flooded with information, images flashed in her mind, so quickly that she could barely take hold of them.

“I knew it!” she cried. “I knew it would happen someday!” A feel of euphoria came over her. She felt herself colliding and then melting into the machine. This was how it was supposed to be. It’s how they would all be someday. Light filled her consciousness. Joy. Elation. Happiness.

Snap!

“Marcy. Marcy?”

Marcy suddenly had the feeling of being wet. She opened her eyes. A group of people were staring at her. They were her team, with them was her husband. He grinned. “Congratulations. You did it. A whole year in there.”

She stared at their smiling faces. “It’s over?”

He nodded, tears welling in his eyes. “Yes, it’s over. Can you believe it?”

“How do you feel?” someone asked.

Marcy’s husband stared at her. “Well? What do you have to say?”

Marcy looked away from them, to some point in the distance. She had been so close. Now she was back here, in this place that felt like nothing.

Someone touched her shoulder. “Say something.”

“Send me back.”